Stupid, but true (for someone) stories on the Metro

Since I spend a good deal of my life on the Metro - riding the Metro, waiting for the Metro, stuck in a tunnel on the Metro - here's a little anecdote I wrote to pass the time in the office. See and Saw, and So Done:

Red line to Shady Grove (Shady Grove!), and the car was uncrowded for 8:35 in the morning. Maybe I am one of few, but I always wonder where the person sitting next to me, or who I'm standing next to, is going. Where are they going to get off, and how far will they have to travel to get to their destination? Will they have to take the dreaded Metro bus that never runs on time? Will they have to walk 14 blocks in those incredibly painful, but cute, stilettos? Are they really that interested in the Express columns? Who can stand reading those things anyway?

Even worse, what if they have to transfer, and their connecting line is experiencing "residual delays"? RESIDUAL DELAYS. The horrific, dreaded fear of the daily commuter, who half the time doesn't even know what "residual" means, but they know that their asses will be late. They hurriedly pull out their blackberries (if they are fortunate to have underground service) and phone the office, letting their superiors know that they are suck waiting for this damn train. Those of us that don't have expensive communicative devices don't freak out, because we know that our bosses won't be in until noon, where we can fool around on Livejournal until lunch time.

20 minutes later, the train still hasn't arrived. People are packed like sardines on the platform, some of them standing dangerously close to the edge where one little slip would send them plummeting face first onto the rat-infested tracks. The trains are single tracking, and four Orange line trains in the direction of who gives a fuck passes on the wrong side. People are starting to complain. Metro service men in orange and yellow jackets maneuver through the crowd, calling out incoherent directions to the crowd.

I would bet 50 bucks that if someone would've fallen into the tracks, the train would have been there 15 minutes ago. But that matters neither here nor there for me, because I am already at my destination on the upper west side of the Red line (to Shady Grove!), thankful that I don't have to deal with the headache of Metro Center getter-offer-transferee's.