#12 Barack Obama
March 5, 2008 · No Comments
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Educated Black People Like Barack Obama, but it's not for the reasons you think. Yes, Obama is an Educated Black Person, so of course we LOVE him. However, there are other reasons educated blacks like the Senator from Illinois. Another reason is that he's the first Black person to run for public office without going all Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson on America. Obama has not once gotten the NAACP or Black Panthers involved in his campaign. We also like him because he has not solicited their help in his campaign for the Presidency; because educated blacks know that these two men would hurt rather than help Obama's campaign. Al and Jessie are educated black people, so we like them; but educated blacks can only stand these two in moderation. All the yelling and rhyming annoys educated black people. When discussing politics with an educated black person, do not automatically assume they are a supporter of Senator Obama. This is almost insulting because you are basically saying that because Obama is black and they are black, the two must go together. Allow your educated black friend to discuss the issues that concern them and they will usually tell you that they support Obama because of how he stands on national issues. It is important for an educated black person to explain why they like Obama, so that they can separate themselves from the uneducated or other blacks who like Obama just because he's black.
#11 Turkey Bacon/Sausage
March 5, 2008 · 1 Comment
Educated Black people like turkey bacon and turkey sausage. At some point in almost every educated Black person's life, they want to stop eating pork. Maybe they ran across some article describing how bad pork may be for you. Perhaps it's because they had a riveting conversation with some militant or Muslim brotha or sista that rattled off a litany of reasons why it's a sin to eat "the other white meat." Some educated Black people quote specific Bible passages that dictate why people shouldn't eat pork. Whatever the case may be, they want to give up pork…. but not really.
Turkey bacon and turkey sausage allows the educated Blacks to have a happy medium. They get to enjoy all the aroma and (some) flavor of their traditional pork based breakfast sides while showing everyone that they are disciplined enough to kick out the swine. Educated Black people love when they go out to eat with friends and can order turkey sausage from the menu. They enjoy the looks and questions they receive about their selection. This gives them an opportunity to pass on their wisdom about turkey sausage being more healthy than the slab of bacon their friend just ordered… and everyone knows educated Black people like to pass on their wisdom!
#10 CNN
March 4, 2008 · 12 Comments
Educated Black people like CNN.
With the state of the affairs these days, educated Black people love to stay abreast of current events by watching CNN. Of course, educated Blacks have to stay on top of their current events. They never know when they will have to school someone on the state of the union. Above all, they tire of watching the local news because they are sick of hearing repeated stories about all the uneducated Black people that murder, rape, and rob members of the community. Educated Black people can always count on CNN to put world issues into perspective. CNN features stories, shows, and commentary that quinches their thirst for knowledge.
Educated Black people have the opportunity to catch breaking news and other stories all day, every day. That's a plus because, at the top of each hour, they can always learn something new. That sure beats watching rebroadcasts of the local news from 5 a.m. Another plus for educated Black people is CNN.com. They can get live news updates and breaking news even when they are away from the television. In fact, they probably get news feeds sent directly to their phones. Being able to quote news at the same time that it's happening will make them look especially smart and the envy of their friends and co-workers! That always makes an educated Black person happy!
#9 Town Homes
March 4, 2008 · 5 Comments
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Educated Black people Like town homes.
When an educated Black person gets a new job upon graduation, they usually purchase a town home. This is a symbol of status. It's the convenience of a starter home without the burden of doing yard work. In places like New York, most educated Blacks will purchase a brownstone.
A town home is a symbol of status because it shows the world that they have "made it." Their education has paid off–they are living the American Dream. Once the educated Blacks move into the town home, they will have what is called a "house warming party." Usually other educated Blacks and a few of the acceptable white friends from work will be invited. However, there may be a separate party for the new homeowner's family. This is usually because the educated Blacks do not want their family mixing with their friends from work because this typically produces some type of embarrassing situation–probably resulting in Uncle Joe getting drunk and hitting on a friend of the homeowner.
If you are invited to a house warming party for an educated Black person, you are required to bring a gift for the home. One of the safest gifts is a house plant; perhaps an ivy. If you are a non-Black, never EVER bring Black art–you are stereotyping your educated Black friend and will probably lose them as a friend. It is a must to compliment the size of the home, even if your bathroom is bigger than the entire house. This will make the homeowner feel proud of their purchase and ease the anxiety that they are having knowing it will take them 30 years to pay for it!
#8 Business Cards
March 3, 2008 · 6 Comments
Educated Black people like to show off their credentials and one of the best ways to do it without saying a word is through a business card. Educated Blacks like business cards because they can pack a BIG punch on just a 3.5″ x 2″ piece of card stock! After having a conversation with an educated Black, they love to direct you to keep in touch or "call if you need anything." But gone are the days where they tear off a corner of a napkin or sheet of paper. They whip out custom card cases and slide you their business card. These cards usually contain a seal or logo to let you know what school or company they work for. Their position is also listed so that you can know they have good amount of power within the workplace. We all know that only persons in positions of power get company cards!
Business cards are also a clever way for educated Blacks to let you know just how educated they are. Some business cards are abbreviated versions of their resume, listing damn near ever credential that they have. For instance, the cards will say something like,
Educated Black Person, Esq., A.A., B.A., MBA, Ph.D., RN, NAACP, AAA so that they can let you know they are educated. An educated Black person couldn't possibly let you know ALL of his/her credentials in a short conversation without seeming pretentious. However, the business card should leave no doubt that this person has been on an education grind!
#7 Advanced Degrees
March 3, 2008 · 5 Comments
Educated Black people like advanced degrees. What better way to show that you are educated than to get a slew of degrees to prove it! Educated Black people typically like to obtain their advanced degrees from universities that they find to be reputable. They have nothing against University of Phoenix, but something just doesn't seem quite right about that place. It reminds them of those "degree mills" that you hear about. And educated black people must separate themselves from all the pseudo-educated people, so they need advanced degrees from bigger and better universities. Typically educated Black people obtain undergraduate degrees from HBCU's (look it up if you don't know), then go on to pursue Master or Doctoral degrees at universities where they are in the minority. This is because, by this time, educated Blacks have pledged their beloved fraternities or sororities, so there's nothing else to do except concentrate on that advanced degree.
Educated Black People also enjoy mentioning to others that they are getting an advanced degree. Most educated Black males use this as a pick-up line for undergraduate females. The conversation generally goes something like this: The guy will go to the student union where the undergrads hang out. He will approach a female he likes and say, "Hi, I've never seen you around here." The clueless undergrad will respond, "I haven't seen you before either." BINGO! This excites the male because he knows he has the perfect response, "Oh, that's because I'm in the Law School/Business School." The clueless female will probably fall for the line and end up listening to this educated Black male talk about his advanced degree for an extended amount of time. He may even get lucky and get a date out of it. JACKPOT!
#6 Conferences
February 29, 2008 · 11 Comments
One thing educated Black people like is a conference! The rush begins when they come across the registration form. They like to attend conferences that will enable them to be around other people that are just as educated as they are. It is always a special perk when the conference is held in a city that they have never visited before. It's like a two-for-one bonus!
The rush continues as they travel to the conference. Sometimes they run across other educated Blacks at the airport who are leaving for the conference on the same flight. This enables them to exchange intelligent dialogue on the plane about all the other educated Black people they are about to meet or how much smarter they'll be at the end of the weekend. It's OK, however, if they don't find anyone on their flight because they know that once they land in the host city, they're sure to come across other educated Blacks arriving in town for the conference. They can share cabs or hotel shuttles and make up for all the witty banter they missed while on the plane.
The CLIMAX occurs when they check-in for the conference. The bright lights, the long tables covered with white tablecloths, the signs that let them know which line to stand in [A-H, I-P, Q-Z]…. And let's not forget those educated Black people that are behind the table telling them to stay in a straight line. They take a deep breath in order to take it all in. AHHHH! Their hearts begin to race when they get to the front of the line and their name is checked off from the list of other educated Black people who are sharing this experience with them. And then they receive the holy grail of conference souvenirs: THE CONFERENCE BAG!
Most of the educated Black people that attend conferences do so in order to get a bag. They LOVE to go back to their respective jobs or schools with their new bags. They even begin to use them as book bags, purses, or briefcases just so that people can know that they just came back from a conference. They love it most when their bag has an acronym for the conference printed on it so that people will have to ask them what it stands for. When (or IF) they tell them, and they catch the educated Black person smiling, it's not because they are remembering the fond memories of the conference or because they are having a good day. It's because they are revelling in the fact that the person is not educated enough to have known what it stands for and needed it explained!
#5 Poetry Slams
February 29, 2008 · 13 Comments
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Educated Black People LOVE poetry slams. Poetry slams are events where either professional poets or audience members get up and recite original poems, songs and speeches. Educated black people are large attendees of these "slams" because we believe that this form of entertainment is much better then going to a bar, listening to music, enjoying a long walk, or anything else that uncultured people enjoy. It also allows us to show off our verbal rhythm, because true slam poets……..always…….talklikethis ……because if you don't…..thenyouare…..a…..FAKE…..poet *thoughtful look*.
The best thing about slam poetry is anybody can participate, no matter the race! If you watch the Educated black people-approved "Def Poetry Jam", you will see all sorts of races participating on the show. Non-black people have to remember that if you sit on the front row, the poet will pick that opportunity to say the one poem that will make you feel bad about all the things you've said about we educated black people, so BEWARE!
Another good thing about poetry slams could be the showcase they provide for the numerous things we like: natural hair, Afrocentric wear, tattoos with African symbolism, special teas, the black power sign, etc. If a non-white person wants to bask in the glory that comes from educated black people, attending a poetry slam is the way to go.
#4 Natural Hair
February 28, 2008 · 18 Comments
Educated Black people like natural hair. They love to show their pride for their race and culture by wearing their hair in its unrelaxed and natural state. This may include a range a styles, such as braids, twists, locs, or freestyle kinky/curly/coily tresses. Since natural hair is so versatile, they can rock any number of styles. While educated Blacks love for people to admire their hair, they hate it when someone touches it without invitation or permission. And if you do touch it, they HATE stupid comments like, "Wow! I had no idea it was so soft!" That's a surefire way to get told off. Educated Blacks also love for both Blacks and non-Blacks to comment on how much they love their hair. The standard comments are typically, "I love your hair!" or "I wish my hair could do that!" Educated Blacks love to encourage other Blacks to allow their hair to grow out in its natural state. However, what they love most is to give Blacks that wear relaxers guilt trips about how they are conforming to the European standard of beauty. It makes them feel so much better than you to know that they are educated and liberated enough to not have to be a conformist.
If you are a non-white, don't ever think that you are being complimentary if you ever wear an afro wig or attempt to wear your hair in dreadlocks. And be sure to never refer to your otherwise frizzy hair as feeling "nappy." Aside from the fact that it's offensive, it also makes you sound AND look ridiculous.
#3 Baked Chicken
February 28, 2008 · 24 Comments
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We've all heard the joke that all black people love fried chicken. That's not true. EVERYBODY loves fried chicken - white or black. It's even on the buffet at Chinese restaurants! So let's just scratch that idea right now. Educated Black People have a more sophisticated taste. We like BAKED CHICKEN. Some even go so far as to use lemon pepper seasonings, but this is only for the upper echelon blacks with advanced degrees, so don't try this at home if you only have an undergraduate degree. Now if you want to really show off your education, bake chicken breasts only! Most educated blacks prefer their chicken breasts with a side of rice and a vegetable.
By eating baked chicken, we educated Blacks feel as though we are beyond the stigma of eating common fried chicken. If you are a white person and are having your educated Black friends over, bake some chicken. But be careful because we cannot stand dry baked chicken. Baked chicken should be moist, so cover it with foil paper as you cook it. Also white people, never offer a black person fried chicken, you will probably get cursed out.
It must also be pointed out that baking chicken is much healthier than frying it. That's something you should already know. This means that by eating baked chicken instead of fried, educated Blacks are ensuring that they will live longer than those without any type of higher educational learning. It also shows that we are more sophisticated and can use the oven for things other than baking those pies that white people love.
#2 Neo Soul
February 28, 2008 · 13 Comments
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Educated Black people like Neo Soul.
For those of you who don't know what this genre of music is about, I have included a short description. Neo soul (also known as nu soul) is a music genre and an umbrella term for current soul music. The music is usually a hybrid of 1970s-influenced soul music with influences from jazz, funk, hip hop house music. The term neo soul was originated by Kedar Massenburg of Motown Records in the late 1990s. Neo soul's audience tends to be underground, preferring that the music favor underground credibility and soulfulness over mainstream popularity. Some musicians who create what is described as neo-soul prefer to disassociate themselves from the tag, due to the term's buzzword-like usage. Some of these artists simply refer to themselves as soul artists.
Neo Soul music makes educated black people feel like they are getting in on music that regular blacks don't know about. The most popular neo soul artist is Erykah Badu….even though some of us may feel she's a little bit crazy. Some educated Blacks have distanced themselves from Ms. Badu because too many people know about her. Neo Soul allows these educated blacks to feel they are the only people who know about these artists and are the only ones educated enough to understand this music. Once an artist "catches on," it's time to move on to the next undiscovered talent.
Other popular neo soul artists are: Angie Stone, Musiq Soulchild, Jill Scott, Macy Gray, Alice Smith, Goapele, India.Arie, Davina, Pru, Raphael Saadiq, Alice Smith, Jazzyfatnastees, Adriana Evans, Ursula Rucker, Rhian Benson and Martha Redbone. If you want to take an educated black friend to a concert, pick one of these artists. You will definitely be loved by them automatically. You should even comment on the release of a new CD by one of these artists. It'll show how well you understand educated Black culture. You may even get invited to a listening party. Then, you'll really be down with the educated Black crowd!
#1 Fraternities and Sororities
February 28, 2008 · 20 Comments
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Educated Black people like to talk about which fraternity (also called a "frat") or sorority they pledged in college. Some of them even go to college with the intent to pledge a Greek lettered organization, then drop out of school. Unlike predominately white fraternities or sororities, these Black Greek letter organizations (or "BGLOs") are for life. Many members wear Greek paraphernalia well into old age. They even continue to attend their organization's regional and national conferences. All members of these Greek organizations love to talk about how hard they pledged and continually state how much they dislike other members who did not pledge as hard as they did. There have also been a few whites people who have crossed racial lines and joined a BGLO. Of course, this person was pledged harder than any other person because they have to pay for all injustices whites have committed against blacks!
If you are non-Black and encounter a Black person wearing a shirt or something that reflects their Greek organization, tell them how much you love their organization and the community service it does. Never say, "I love those dances you guys do!" It's like saying, "I love to watch you black people dance because all black people have such good rhythm and know how to dance." You will appear racist and never have that person as a friend. Also as a non-Greek, Black or not, you are NOT allowed to wear Greek paraphernalia. Greek organizations are not sports teams; therefore, you shouldn't wear the organization's colors to show your support.
Educated Black Greeks often look at pledging as a right of passage–their educational experience was enhanced because they "went Greek." When someone talks about their experience, always look as though you are interested and truly care because this is very important to them.
are we stereotypical of whaaaatt??
are we fooling ourselves or whaaaatt????
20 comments:
Hi, this is a very funny blog, but maybe it's an idea to change the fonts? I could hardly read it..
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